I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
