it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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