I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
