If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
