At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
