I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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