I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
