Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
