i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
