Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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