I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
