In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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