can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
