This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
