They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
