so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
