another moral hangover. fuck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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