I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
