I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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