At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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