Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
