Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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