I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
