he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
