I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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