Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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