Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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