She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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