There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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