Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
