i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize