I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my shit smells like andre
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
