Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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