I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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