I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
