Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
