I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
