i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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