new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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