I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
