so let's talk penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
