Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
