i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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