he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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