Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
