Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
