It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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