Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How external is "for external use only"?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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