Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
