I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
