I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
