Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
