Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
