A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
