Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
