when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't think brook has ever known best
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
