i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
