She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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