Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
someone owes me an orgasm
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
