You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
