I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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