this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
