I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
