Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
