i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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