I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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