i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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