You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
