I love black thongs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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