the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
