So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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