So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
