The best revenge is premature balding
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
