The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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